Death Mattel


Generic biography for any band

Formed out of boredom and a genuine desire to:
  • strut
  • rock out
  • perform
  • make your mother proud
  • make your parents pay for the crime of giving you life
  • vent
  • pick up girls and guys because you are an ordinarily hopeless fuck in this regard and it seems easier than getting an attractive, genuine identity
  • think your opinion, expressed through music is far more necessary or important than anyone else
  • exploit your A.D.D.
  • show your friends up at the annual school reunion “Oh, so you’re a successful banker, Well I’m a hopeless cunt living on noodles in a rats nest. Just keepin’ it real man”
  • Compare notes with other bands and wrap yourself up in the notion that you are finally a part of something
  • have something, anything common with another useless group of self indulgent, opinionated excrement
  • use words like entertain, express, artist and ignore the fact you’re just contributing to an ugly self serving beast of an industry.

Accepting the facts above and still willing to move on and under no delusions of ever being U2 because:

  • the position of a soulless, repetitive, jingle machine, pontificating bullshit-mixed messages of ‘wealth distribution’ while still being one of the richest bands in the world, is already filled...
  • it’s much easier finding fault with other peoples’ art than doing anything special of our own.

So far, that’s it. But stand by for a whole list of bullshit-dreams and inspirational ideals. At the end of the day kids, its just another fucking band.